I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
jersey shore drinking game rules must be edited. almost died. how is it possible for a person to say guido that many times
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
Randomize
