They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
Randomize
