Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
Randomize
