I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
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