If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
Randomize
