he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
Randomize
