oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
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