its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
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