captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
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