I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
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