I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
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