Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
this just has baby written all over it
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
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