It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
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