i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
My friends, they love my intelligence
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
Randomize
