The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
Randomize
