my phone cant type all the emotion im having
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
I have peed in a lot of sinks
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
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