I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
Randomize
