if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
Randomize
