They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
Randomize
