I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
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