Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
Randomize
