i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
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