Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
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