how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
whose ass print is on the piano?
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
Randomize