using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
Randomize
