So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
Come on in and take your pants off
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