I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
Randomize
