his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
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