you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
Randomize
