you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
he was CRYING into my vagina
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
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