I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
Randomize
