good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
Randomize
