when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
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