i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
Randomize
