I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
We're talking about addictions in class and there's a girl 2 rows in front of me on Farmville. Hello, example.
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
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