so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
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