i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
Randomize
