Who wears a wallet chain?!
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
God I need to hump something, right now.
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
Randomize