dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
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