I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
Randomize
