I murdered the dance floor call the cops
I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
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