Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
Randomize
