i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
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