? is bags or t-bags slang for scrotum?
jesus mom
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
Randomize
