I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
He's a Shit stain on my heart
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
Randomize
