One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
Randomize