At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
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