I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
I definitely think you should enjoy one last spring break being a sorostitute before you get serious and settle down with price charming. I mean hes not going to be there any way. he can wait a week.
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
Randomize
