That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
why does every cop we meet know your name?
Randomize
