My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
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