Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
Randomize
