She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
so much tequila, so little girl.
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
Randomize
