why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
Randomize
