the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
Randomize
