i wouldnt be suprised if in indian your name meant "walking lie"
If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
Randomize
