Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
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