This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
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