last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
This sounds like "Sober" Ericka. Sorry that message wasn't for you. I only do business with "Fell off the wagon" Ericka. Please pass that message along to her.
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
Randomize
