the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
Randomize
