HIV tests are more positive than that guy
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
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