if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
Randomize
