I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
Randomize
