Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
Randomize
