I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
Randomize
