Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
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