my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
Randomize
