Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
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