i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
Randomize
