I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
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