dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
Randomize
