I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
Randomize