What's proper 1 nite stand etiquette?
Say hi to his dad and make him some breakfast.
she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
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