i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
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