I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
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