lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
Randomize
