maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
Randomize
