he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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