dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
