Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
Randomize
