Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
party gras won. party gras always wins.
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
Randomize
