Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
Randomize
