I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
Randomize
