im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
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