Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
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