There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
Randomize
