God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
Randomize
