Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
Randomize
