so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
So just to get a feel for things...how prone are you to male Amish strippers...
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
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