I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
Randomize
