Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
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