i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
Randomize
