I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Randomize
