I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
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