so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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