I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
Randomize
