Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
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