Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
Randomize
