I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
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