I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
I'm going to rape someone's good day.
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
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