so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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